Virginia Is for Lovers

We are officially moved into our apartment on the Jaamas’ beautiful horse farm in Ellett Valley. Every time we look out our living room doors, we are overwhelmed with awe at how good God is to us. When I think about school starting in three days, I am still unsure of myself and feel very unprepared, but I am resting in who God is and what His promises mean for my life to keep me focused. I am praying for my broken body, my anxious mind, and my fearful heart as the beginning of our new life approaches.

Waking up this morning to the absolutely stunning sunrise over the mountains visible from our front door, I was overwhelmed with God’s mighty strength and deep love. He has provided everything we need to get us to this point, yet I have doubted Him so much the last few weeks. As my health has waxed and waned and my motivation has flicked like a light bulb ready to burn out, I have wondered if I had misheard my God concerning the path I am pursuing.

There are times when I feel like there is no way I can make it, and the harder times are when I don’t know if I want to. But this morning, as I read Matthew 14 and 15, God reminded me that He will provide; like in the story of Jesus and his disciples feeding the 5000, the disciples were focused on what they had to feed the people. Discouraged, they asked Jesus to send the people away. But Jesus told them to give what they had to him, and he made it more than enough. I am reminded that if I too give Jesus all that I have, he will multiply it into more than enough to do His Father’s will.

Then I read the story of Jesus walking on the water, and the Spirit showed me that I’ve been making the same mistake as Peter by looking at the raging winds and waves that are around me and the storms that are to come, and I have not ceased in calling out to Jesus to save me. But as Jesus said to Peter, I have little faith and much doubt, but there is no reason to doubt. There is plenty of reason to doubt myself, but this journey isn’t dependent on who I am. Jesus is going to take me through—I can put by trust in him and not be shifted like the waves around me being tossed by the winds. Medical school is going to be the hardest things I’ve ever done, but all things are possible through Jesus.

Lastly, I read the parable when Jesus told the Pharisees about what is clean and unclean. He accuses them of praising God with their lips but their hearts being far from God. He then explained to them that what they eat doesn’t make them unclean; it’s what comes out of their heart that makes a person impure. My prayer this morning, Father, is that you would continue to make me a woman after your mind so that my mind and heart will be transformed in such a way that your Kingdom reigns over my life. I know that David and I are sinful, but we are your children, and you are so Great that you can use us as lights and salt in Blacksburg for the next few years. Humble us, Father, and do not let our pride rule us. Protect us from ourselves with your discipline.

Father, thank you so much for bringing us here. I feel like one big adventure is ending and the biggest one is starting today. Life with you is such an adventure. There are times when I wish you would do things a different way, but I have nowhere else to go and no one else to follow. There are times when you let me walk your road with arms full and other times, you let me take nothing for the journey. There are times when you tell me not to look back, not to the dead or to family or to my sinful youth. You constantly encourage me to die so that I may live, and you have never told a lie although you’ve watched me tell so many. My lack of faithfulness has never nullified yours, and I know that you are capable of taking me to where you want me. Along the way, help me to seek your Kingdom before all other things in my life, to love my husband better than myself, to see others as Christ has allowed you to see them, and to do all things whole-heartedly for your glory and never to make a reputation for myself.

Amen.