The Answer

It has been four days since the CMDA interview, and we have heard nothing from the CMDA. But at about 9 p.m. tonight, I got an email from the female candidate congratulating David and me on getting the scholarship! I was like, "What is she talking about?" David checked his email—and found nothing. David called the candidate and asked her to clarify, and she said she got the email at noon. She forwarded it to us, and there it was: David had been awarded the scholarship and he somehow didn't get the email!!!!!!!!! It turns out that Dr. Stevens wrote us the award email the Thursday of our interview! God must have known he needed to teach us much by having to wait. We finally had the direction we’ve been searching and waiting for!

The news came just in the nick of time; the NHSC app is due in a week, and we haven’t the time or the desire to complete it. After dreaming of getting the CMDA $ and heading straight to the mission field, nothing else seemed worth our efforts.

We fell on our faces and just praised God for his direction and provision. We’re gonna be missionaries! We called everyone who had been praying for us and told them the news.

Elisa took us out for chocolate chip pancakes at IHOP to celebrate. We are just so thrilled; so overjoyed. We know that we did nothing to deserve this—it is all a result of God fulfilling His calling, purposes and plans. We cannot wait to watch him provide for us the rest of the way.

This is unbelievable; our greatest dreams come true. And we receive it all in humility, knowing that it’s His work, and His alone. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us, and thank you, Jesus!

We only have two days left of teaching—it’s hard to believe. Then it seems the summer will fly by. June is jam-packed with the Outer Banks trip, Julie’s wedding, going to AL for Granny’s heart surgery, and then the McKee reunion. In July, we hope to do some sort of backpacking trip with Jonny, followed by a move to VA for a missions class led by the Hopkins. Then we can return to Bama to see Nikola and for David to be in Tim’s wedding; at last, we will settle down in Blacksburg for good to prepare for the commencement of classes on Aug. 12th!

Steury Scholarship Interview

On our way to Bristol, TN, exhausted and brain-dead from a long week of end-of-the-year teaching, we could hardly believe that such a day had come. The opportunity to meet and glean wisdom from Dr. David Stevens and all the Christian Medical and Dental Associations (CMDA) staff was too good to be true—a gift that was freely given us by God.

For the past year, the biggest question besides “Will we get into med school?” has been “How are we going to pay for our education?” There have been three main tracks all along that we’ve considered. The first was the military. We could join the Air Force, be taken care of for the next 7 years, and then pay the military back with 3-4 years of service. The second option was the National Health Service Core (NHSC). We would agree to work for any underserved area the government places us in for 4 yrs, and in exchange, they would pay for our schooling and provide stipends to live on. But both of us would have to get that for it to work. Lastly, there is the CMDA Steury Medical Missions scholarship of 100 grand for doctors planning to go immediately on the mission field after school. But they only give out one per year, and the chance of one of us getting that seemed too good to be true.

When David received an email saying he was 1 of 3 finalists for the CMDA missionary scholarship, we were too excited for words. Is this really happening? Could we really get this scholarship? We told as many people as possible about David's upcoming interview and asked for prayer for God's will to be done.

The day of the interview, we met the other two candidates. They are both amazing believers. One young lady named Kristin was a practicing PA in Africa until she realized she needed more training to be as useful as she would like on the mission field, so she went to medical school and just finished year one.

Both candidates are in financial need, just like us, and we all have the same goals and passions. Therefore, going into the interview, there was no stress. We knew that God would give the money to whom he wished, and that He would in fact, without a doubt, provide for all of us in his timing in different ways.

Sadly, we arrived late for chapel because I cannot follow directions. When we arrived, we couldn’t believe how beautiful the CMDA building is. It looks like a mountain lodge, and later, Gene Rudd told us stories about all the amazing things God did in people’s lives during the construction project that took place in 2000.

First, David and I were given a tour along with the female candidate while the other male candidate was interviewed for an hour. We were able to meet and talk with many amazing people, like Susan Carter and Daniel Toleman. David had a blast introducing himself to Susan Carter as the guy who sent her the message, “Hey, hot love, baby face…” one day when he pressed reply instead of forward when trying to send me a CMDA article. She laughed and laughed. Apparently, everyone in CMDA knows about that.

While the female candidate was interviewing, we sat and talked with Mrs. Foulkes, whose husband was a roommate of Ernest Steury. They were missionaries in Africa for 23 years. Later, Jim Foulkes gave us his book about his adventures called To Africa With Love. I later read it over vacation; it was phenomenal.

At last the time arrived for us to interview. We sat down at a long conference table with Debbie (Ernest Steury’s daughter), Jim Foulkes, and Dr. David Stevens. Dr. Stevens began by asking David to tell about himself—his upbringing, education, spirituality, and call to medicine. The interview was a hour long, and sadly, it wasn't our best performance. We luckily got to go out to eat with the panel afterward. I know that David interacted a lot with Jim and Dr. Stevens at lunch. He is so good with people one on one. We really enjoyed our time there.

While the committee went up to decide on who the scholarship would be given to, we went on a trail with the other candidates. We then said our goodbyes and started our 4 hr trip home.

It was in the car that David was really hit with the reality of how off the interview truly was. He was really quiet and frustrated on the way home. My heart went out to him because I know I would have felt the same way. The sadness and uneasiness went on into the night, and it woke us both up in the morning as we tried to prepare ourselves for a crazy last Friday of school. All day, I just felt emotionally exhausted and sick to my stomach over the whole thing. It was safe to say that we both agreed it would be a miracle if God gave the $ to us.

I am so glad that our weaknesses cannot hinder God’s plans—or else we’d both be sunk. David has indeed been praying for humility lately, and I think God is constantly answering him. This morning, we are comforted by Phil 4; we cannot be anxious about the future. We must trust God. I thank you for what we’ve learned through all this, even though we had to learn the hard way.

Thy will be done.

Tension

Wow, I definitely should have written before now; it has been quite the month. Starting with the most recent tragedy, David Wrenn, a young, healthy man and runner at our church in Ramseur went home to be with the Lord on Wednesday, leaving his wife Mary Pat and his three children to mourn. Death is a humbling thing; David and I just sat on the back porch stairs and shed tears over what their family is experiencing.

We also talked about how short and fragile life is and how to live really is to love Christ and to die is gain. Every day is our chance to love others well and to tell them about Christ. We cannot wait until we become doctors to minister to the world. We have to do it now. We are not promised to live through med school or that Christ will tarry his coming that long.

All we have are the people God places in front of us now. Presently, that consists of one another, our church family, our community and our students at Faith Christian School. In the fall, and for the next 4 years, it will be our class at VCOM. I printed out their faces—I am urged to pray for them often.

After Mr. Wrenn’s sudden passing, my mind began to rage with questions and doubts about whether or not medical school is really God’s best for my life. I was trying to finish up some last minute scholarship applications, but my heart was very troubled.

Over the course of this first year of marriage, I’ve really had a change of heart about the future. I’ve never been one to desire motherhood. Whether that's because I have had gynecological issues that threaten infertility, or whether that's because my personality has always been more career-focused, I'm note sure. Nevertheless, I am entertaining thoughts about being a mom for the first time in my life, and I want the margin to be a good one. I don't know if I'll have biological children or if they will be my kids through adoption, I want to be present and involved, and it's hard for me to imagine that at a doctor. I wish I at least knew of a female doctor who is currently doing this well. I have so many questions.

One night I couldn’t sleep, and neither could David, so I told him about what was on my heart.  He said that no matter what happens, he would be okay with what I chose to do—if I wanted to go to PA school or nursing school in order to start a family, he said he would support me. But if I wanted to do med school, he said by all means, we'd do it together.

Ultimately, I just want to do what God wants. I am trying to just be still and listen to him instead of all the other voices—my mom says I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t go to med school. My dad says he’d rather me not go to med school and just focus on jobs that would have more flexibility. David sees how God can use either path for His glory, and so do I. No path seems completely right. Perhaps there isn't necessarily a "right" path.

After much prayer, I feel like I am supposed to continue on the path I am on. I remember my junior year, God gave me a peace during my transition from being set on PA school to choosing med school. That peace included God's promise to one day show me how to be able to balance family and medicine. He gave me that peace then; I have to choose to rest in that same peace now.

Every since I got over pneumonia and got off my birth control this past month after taking it for 11 years, I feel like my health is gradually improving. My body has more energy and my mind is clearer, and for the first time in months, I feel like I can actually do med school this fall. I have nothing but praises for God. David says he can see it too. I am being restored. I really was starting to think it would not happen, but I feel like His grace is renewing me once again for the Call I received so long ago.

We took the middle school on a field trip to New Bern, NC to visit the Tryon Palace, Fort Macon and the beach yesterday. On the way back, one of my 6th grade students had a headache. I felt such compassion for her, and I took her into my lap on a pillow and rubbed her hair to help her go to sleep on the way home. I prayed and prayed for her, and I was so glad to watch the headache subside. In that moment, I actually did the strangest thing - I praised God for my headaches, not because I want them, but because they have given me a compassion for others who suffer.

I am very excited about going to Bristol, TN for the CMDA interview with David in 6 days! If he receives that scholarship, wow, what an adventure we will knowingly have entered. We also hope to receive wisdom from the people we meet there about what it will be like for us both to become physicians & how that will affect family and so forth.

I cannot believe there are only 10 days left of teaching. Then the summer! This summer will fly by I think. We have the trip to the Outer Banks, Julie’s Wedding, the McKee reunion, Tim’s wedding, Nikola coming in, our move to VA and whatever else we stuff in there. I also need to choose a health care provider for med school by June 12th.

Our anniversary is Monday—one whole year. I am looking forward to journaling about our first and ever so crazy year of marriage. We hope to go camping soon to celebrate and to visit Sea Grove for our first pottery piece. I am convinced I have the best husband in the world.

John Heaphy

Yesterday, I reached my breaking point. I woke up with a piercing headache that I prayed would subside, but as the day went on, it only worsened. Every time I tried to think or process information, it would throb so hard that pain would shoot through my skull. As the hours and classes passed, it became more intense, and several times, I fled to the bathroom and wept, overwhelmed and discouraged. After school, feeling lower than I've felt all year, I went home and took a lot of medicine and fell asleep on the couch until David came home.

It was the night we had planned to visit our dear friend John Heaphy in Winston-Salem, so I pulled myself off the couch to meet him as promised. On the way there, I told David through tears how tired and frustrated I’d become. I told him I felt like a shell of who I used to be, and I don't remember what it felt like to be happy. My head hurt the whole drive, and David rubbed my head to relieve me of some of the discomfort as he drove.

The time with John was refreshing and fun, but it was so hard to cope with the way I was feeling. To make matters more interesting, the Beast’s battery died (the Beast is my 2003 Honda Civic) when we picked up John at the Rescue Mission. One of the chaplains jumped us off, and off we went to AutoZone to get a new battery. Sadly, the Beast died again in the left turn lane right in front of the AutoZone. We got out and pushed the car back to give people room to go around. A man in a green jeep behind us named Rob got out of his vehicle to help.

Poor John had to stay with the car to direct traffic around our dead vehicle. I talked with Rob some at AutoZone and found he was headed to Sri Lanka soon for business. We bought a 2-yr battery because that’s all they had, and David and Rob installed it. The Beast was as good as new, and we thanked Rob for his kindness.

We decided to skip on church, which I was glad about, so we could spend time in conversation with John. We took him to Burger King by his request, and he had his first whopper in 6 years! He told us his life story and testimony in detail, and it was just so amazing. To think that he attempted suicide 3 times after his girlfriend of 5 yrs left him, yet every time something kept him from succeeding! He says he is “hard-headed,” but that he finally realized God had a plan for his life. At work, a man witnessed to him and he accepted Christ after attending church with the man a few times. He said the most appealing thing about God was that he really chooses to talk to us through the Spirit. Over time, though, John lost his job and stole a car to have a way into prison where he could at least have food and shelter. He served 10 yrs for the crime, but once he got out, he still had no work and no hope, so he stole a car again to earn him a second term. That is when we came into his life—when he was finishing up his last year of prison.

Now that he’s at the Rescue Mission, he is working in the phone room. My prayer for him is that God would provide him employment before his 90 day period concludes. I also pray that his foot continues to heal so that he will be unlimited in his capabilities.

Visiting John, to me, is always like visiting Jesus—the Gospels make that so clear. Whatever we do to others, we do unto Christ himself. That restores my soul. And even in the midst of the discomfort my head was experiencing last night, my soul was well and even joyful.

I went to sleep by the grace of God right when we got home, but I woke up with the same headache. I decided to just do my best today and go on to class. But PRAISE BE TO GOD, by 1st period, my headache was gone, and I felt like a new person completely.

If someone could have seen my thoughts yesterday and then could compare them with my thoughts today, they honestly would not believe I am the same person. All I can do is give God the glory for He chose to have mercy on me. I know David has been praying for me, and I also remember my sobbing prayer yesterday on the chair in the spare room: “Daddy, daddy please help me. I cannot take the pain anymore. You alone are my God and I need you. Please tell me you hear me; do not look away. Restore me, or give me the strength to go on. I’ve got nothing left.”

He has restored me today. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but the Word says today has enough trouble of its own. I just want to praise you, Father, for healing me. I pray that you will continue to revive my body so that I can go on to learn medicine and practice it for your glory until I die or your Son returns for your glory, AMEN!

I ask that you continue to show me what it means to trust that you know what I need even when it's painful.

Discouraged

I’ve been sick so much this year, and last night, I finally just poured out my heart to God in the shower as hot water rolled down my face to wipe away the streaming tears. This year alone, I've had mono, strep twice, the flu, pneumonia, a parasite, and constant headaches and migraines. My body has dealt with one thing after another this year. Every time I start to feel like myself again, something comes along and knocks me back down.

In the shower, the verse in Proverbs that reads, “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” kept going through my mind. I have to admit that if I start medical school feeling this way, I will not make it very long. This semester at school, I am become known as the one who is sick all the time, and in VA, if nothing changes, I will be known as the same, and who knows how long I can keep up with the curriculum.

But God doesn’t call me to lean on those thoughts. He tells me to trust in him and his plan for me. That is what I am trying to do. In Scripture I can think of many times when God allows sickness in people’s lives. Two times are when Jesus says the blind man was blind not because he had sinned but so that the glory of God could be revealed in His life through it, and in Job when God allows Satan to destroy Job’s health to test him. I don’t know if my own habits have caused my poor health, or if God is allowing all this to refine my faith, but either way, I am going to trust him.

Last night as I shared with David my thoughts, he encouraged me greatly in that he has always believed I would come out of this. Somehow, he said, I know you will be well. This has been a hard year, but you’re a new teacher, and many new teachers struggle with frequent illness. And your health is better than it was at other times this year, so let's be patient. This summer, you will get to rest without the stresses of teaching and your body will recover and regain its strength.

God, I just want you to know that I trust you and will submit to whatever you continue to allow in my life. I wish this cup would pass, but let Your will be done, not mine.

Burn Out Bright

I just finished a movie about the life and work of Mother Teresa. I was home sick again today from school, and I’ve been discouraged for the greater part of the last year of watching my health decline repeatedly. I don’t know what I fear most, but I know I need not fear anything, for I can and should always trust that God’s way is best. Whatever he allows to happen in my life, I have to believe it is best. I am his daughter.

God, I fear not making it through even a semester of medical school with my body, heart and mind in such a poor state. I fear not being the teammate that I desire to be for my dear, wonderful husband. I fear my life being useless when I reach the end of it. I want to burn out bright while serving others as Mother Teresa did. But I know your plan for me is unique to who you’ve made me to be. I want to be in your will because that's why I'm alive.

I’ve been thinking about my health a lot lately, wondering why I’ve dealt with so many infirmities. I was encouraged by the passage in John 9:1-12 when Jesus’ disciples ask him why a certain man was blind—was it he who sinned or his parents? Jesus answered with this, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” I don’t know why my body has been so susceptible to illness this year, but I pray that God’s work may be displayed in my life through it all. I know one thng for sure: It has drawn me closer to the Kingdom of God as I have tasted poorness of spirit, much mourning, and a desperate desire for peace in my restless heart.

Less than 6 weeks of teaching remaining. Only 4 months till med school classes begin and the dream you’ve placed in my heart finally begins to unfold—the dream of learning medicine and serving the ones no one serves. I know I cannot do it in my strength. Lord, I am leaning totally on you.

I praise you that David is one of three finalists for the CMDA Steury Scholarship. I pray that if it is your will for us to go directly to the mission field after school, that he would get that scholarship. If not, I know you will lead us to what is best. Thank you for loving me and for calling me your masterpiece. Lately, I don't feel as if that is true about me, but you promise me it is. So, I trust you.

Help me submit to you in the midst of suffering. I need your grace. I just want to be well. But I know that you know that and could make it happen if you desired. Instead, all I can plead is that you teach me something about compassion and mercy during these times of weakness and despair. Waist not one hard moment. Teach me something deeper about yourself, and let me be satisfied in that.

Visiting VCOM

David and I just returned from chaperoning the Dominican Republic senior trip, and it was so fulfilling; I praise God for opening up the door for us to go. I’ve never been on a trip where there were enough funds and hands available to meet as many physical needs as God enabled us to meet, and I think this speaks volumes of the value in establishing a long-term relationship with a place for annual short-term missions. May God bless all the people who donated supplies and money so that we could bless so many beautiful people.

Medical day was such a challenging learning experience, but I felt so at home. David and I both were amazed at how fast the day passed by. Even though all I did was triage in broken Spanish, I enjoyed talking and interacting with the patients so much.

We returned to NC at about 10 p.m. on Friday night, and we drove through the night all the way to Blacksburg, VA, because the very next morning we had Accepted Students Day at VCOM! Even though we were tired, we really had a great weekend in Virginia. I enjoyed meeting current VCOM students so much; I am excited about getting to know my class and sharing the love of God with them. I pray for the 189 students in our class of 2014—I ask that God would use David and me to live lives worthy of the calling we’ve received and that people in Blacksburg would see our lives and glorify God in heaven. Lord, be near to us for we are frail and weak. We can do nothing apart from you. But with you in your strength, nothing is impossible.

I am overjoyed to share that God provided us with awesome housing for when we start school in the fall. God has proven His ability to provide for us time and time again, but He also loves to answer prayers in ways that are greater than what we ask or imagine. He is a good father who gives wonderful gifts! We had been praying for God to provide us a unique housing opportunity where we could live simply with a Christian family and help serve them in some way. God did just that, and more! A lady named Diana Jaasma responded to an email I sent out to Blacksburg Christian Fellowship (BCF) church about our need for housing. What an awesome family we have in the body of Christ! Diana's husband Dennis is in the last stages of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. She offered us her basement apartment and asked if we could help her care for her husband. We were already stoked about the chance to serve, but then, we could hardly believe our eyes when we drove up to see the apartment. Diana lives on the side of a mountain on a gorgeous horse farm. And so that is where we will be moving in this August. We also visited BCF church, and it really seems to be an awesome church focused on the right things. There is a lot to look forward to in Virginia!