Student Doctor Villanueva

Dear God,

It’s hard to believe how calm I am after 2 wks of med school; I am pleasantly surprised at how not stressed out, and not overwhelmed I am. Father, I owe it all completely to you. I am blessed on every side, and it’s all because of your faithfulness to me as your child.

First and foremost, thank you for giving me a husband to do this adventure with. It’s just such a rare blessing to have the one I love most sitting right beside me all day long as I study what I love. Out of the 189 students in our class, only two other students have that blessing.

I praise you for leading us to Bryan College for undergrad and for how well the bio department prepared us for our present studies. We have such a great foundation in the sciences upon which to build, and we owe it all to you.

Lord, I praise you for daily giving me what I need, and I thank your Spirit for giving me peace when I cast my cares on thee. Jesus’ words about not worrying about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of its own are always running through my mind, and it compels me to take life a day at a time, and no more. So many people in my class are planning weeks ahead and are studying way more than I am, and they will probably make better grades than me, but that’s okay.

I want to retain the balanced life you have taught me to see as precious, after all the unnecessary sufferings I caused myself during undergrad. I had such a martyrdom mentality—I felt that my calling to be a doctor justified my tendency to neglect my body’s basic needs (adequate sleep, food) and to give up fellowship with others in order to make the grades necessary for med school acceptance. But really, I was just feeding my pride by trying to perform well in your eyes and in the eyes of others in order to feel worthy of love. Thank you for breaking down those lies and leading me into your Truth that brings freedom.

Before entering VCOM, I even questioned whether or not I wanted to be a doctor anymore because you had changed me so much from the person I once was. I think what scared me most about entering med school was I felt I'd have to go back to the frantic, unhealthy life of striving I once lived as a bio major, and I didn’t want to do that for anything. But now that I’m two wks in, I realize that I don’t have to do that, and I finally have peace about where you’ve brought me.

Thank you for leading David and me to take last year off in order to teach us what is important in life. I wasn’t ready to be in med school a year ago. With my parents’ divorce, being a newly wed, and going through all the health problems I went through this past year, I never would have made it, and you knew that in your infinite wisdom and foresight. So thank you for always knowing what I need and for doing things on your time and not mine.

So, as tests start up this week and the heat rises a bit as new material in large amounts begins to come my way, I pray that you will keep my priorities straight. Remind me always of what you taught me this year: that I am first called to love and serve you with all my heart and to seek your Kingdom; second, I am called to love and serve my husband with all I am, and I am to guard that relationship with all that is in me. I am sure that Satan will attack my marriage before he attacks my calling to be a physician. Third, I am called to love and serve others in such a way that points to You. I am not assured tomorrow, and I need to always live like that.

Treating and seeing patients will not come for another two years; for now, I have my classmates and any other people that you allow me to mesh lives with to love on. You could return before I finish med school, or my life could be taken from me, so I want to burn out bright by being intentional about loving the people around me right now.

It may surprise people to hear me say this, but I’m not going to make every sacrifice necessary to make A’s in med school this year. I will even be satisfied with C’s if I know that it’s my best effort without sacrificing the important things in my life. I commit to you to do my best while cherishing and maintaining the balanced life you've taught me to live, and I ask you for peace in my soul when my performance-driven identity rises up in me and pressures me to go back to my old way of life.

Protect me from the evil one and from myself; examine my mind and my heart, and continue to bring the good work you started in me to completion.

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."

Isaiah 26:3-4

Virginia Is for Lovers

We are officially moved into our apartment on the Jaamas’ beautiful horse farm in Ellett Valley. Every time we look out our living room doors, we are overwhelmed with awe at how good God is to us. When I think about school starting in three days, I am still unsure of myself and feel very unprepared, but I am resting in who God is and what His promises mean for my life to keep me focused. I am praying for my broken body, my anxious mind, and my fearful heart as the beginning of our new life approaches.

Waking up this morning to the absolutely stunning sunrise over the mountains visible from our front door, I was overwhelmed with God’s mighty strength and deep love. He has provided everything we need to get us to this point, yet I have doubted Him so much the last few weeks. As my health has waxed and waned and my motivation has flicked like a light bulb ready to burn out, I have wondered if I had misheard my God concerning the path I am pursuing.

There are times when I feel like there is no way I can make it, and the harder times are when I don’t know if I want to. But this morning, as I read Matthew 14 and 15, God reminded me that He will provide; like in the story of Jesus and his disciples feeding the 5000, the disciples were focused on what they had to feed the people. Discouraged, they asked Jesus to send the people away. But Jesus told them to give what they had to him, and he made it more than enough. I am reminded that if I too give Jesus all that I have, he will multiply it into more than enough to do His Father’s will.

Then I read the story of Jesus walking on the water, and the Spirit showed me that I’ve been making the same mistake as Peter by looking at the raging winds and waves that are around me and the storms that are to come, and I have not ceased in calling out to Jesus to save me. But as Jesus said to Peter, I have little faith and much doubt, but there is no reason to doubt. There is plenty of reason to doubt myself, but this journey isn’t dependent on who I am. Jesus is going to take me through—I can put by trust in him and not be shifted like the waves around me being tossed by the winds. Medical school is going to be the hardest things I’ve ever done, but all things are possible through Jesus.

Lastly, I read the parable when Jesus told the Pharisees about what is clean and unclean. He accuses them of praising God with their lips but their hearts being far from God. He then explained to them that what they eat doesn’t make them unclean; it’s what comes out of their heart that makes a person impure. My prayer this morning, Father, is that you would continue to make me a woman after your mind so that my mind and heart will be transformed in such a way that your Kingdom reigns over my life. I know that David and I are sinful, but we are your children, and you are so Great that you can use us as lights and salt in Blacksburg for the next few years. Humble us, Father, and do not let our pride rule us. Protect us from ourselves with your discipline.

Father, thank you so much for bringing us here. I feel like one big adventure is ending and the biggest one is starting today. Life with you is such an adventure. There are times when I wish you would do things a different way, but I have nowhere else to go and no one else to follow. There are times when you let me walk your road with arms full and other times, you let me take nothing for the journey. There are times when you tell me not to look back, not to the dead or to family or to my sinful youth. You constantly encourage me to die so that I may live, and you have never told a lie although you’ve watched me tell so many. My lack of faithfulness has never nullified yours, and I know that you are capable of taking me to where you want me. Along the way, help me to seek your Kingdom before all other things in my life, to love my husband better than myself, to see others as Christ has allowed you to see them, and to do all things whole-heartedly for your glory and never to make a reputation for myself.

Amen.